New Beginnings

For several years now I have started ever new year by entering into a time of fasting and praying. I start the Daniel Fast today. Through this new year and new semester of college I want to draw closer to God. I want to be in the very center of His pretense. I want to be able to see His work in every aspect of the world, and be able to see what God wants me to accomplish through this.

When I was thirteen, God called me to the mission field. Since that time my spiritual connection with God has been like a roller-coaster ride. Ups and downs over the years have caused me to not be where I need to be in order to complete the task that God has called me to. I pray that the next 21 days that God starts a fire in me that can never be quenched.

This is my prayer.

Healing Through the Pain of Separation

Since I last wrote, I have moved to a new city in order to attend college. Being eight hours away from home is hard on a girl who loves her family as much as I do. This pain that the separation brings is not easy. It has taught me that only by fully relying on God's grace and mercy am I able to make it through each and every day. Now, as the first semester of school is half way over, I know that while I still miss my family dearly, God has a plan and purpose for bringing me to this place so far from everything that I have ever known. The distance between me and those things has caused me to fall completely in love with Him again. Without this love, I would not be able to stand the pressures and stress certain situations have put on me as of late. Later today I will leave my school and travel those eight hours to go back home for a few days. Those hours I plan to spend with God.

Waking Up to You

I try to breath in the ice cold air to numb the hollow pain in my chest. No air enters into my lungs; gasping, dying without You near. I tried to do things my way, but as I look back I see that was my worst mistake. I let you down. It was a slow fade into the darkness that now engulfs my soul. All You want from me is my love and praise. All I wanted was acceptance. While You took me in with no questions asked, I could not stop questioning You. How could this love be real; that You would care for me enough to step down from Your place by Your father's side and die for me? Why would You take up my cross and lay it on Your back with the sins of the world as an added weight across Your shoulders? What kind of man could possibly be selfless enough to take on this kind of responsibility? I want to know You, the man who took on the pain of being nailed to a tree just for the love of that he wanted to show the world. I want to be Yours, but how can I leave everything I am behind? You tell me that I am already everything that I need to be in your eyes So I am letting go of everything that I was and am now running after everything that You are. You are my all, everything I could ever want or desire. The best part of all- I am Yours!

Roads

Mistakes come so easily. Before you know it you can end up down a path that there seems to be no return from. "How did I end up here?" "What did I do to deserve this?" We all ask these questions from time to time, but the question we need to ask ourselves is this— What are you going to do to change your situation? I am beginning a journey. One that I have started before, but somehow can never stay focused on. This journey can best be described as my being fed up with living as if how I live my life does not matter. I have many regrets. Many times that I could have spoken, but was too comfortable with my position in life to act out and take a stand for what I know to be right. Clouded judgement has left me bitter and far from where I need to be. This is my journey back to God.